I had to say goodbye to my favourite furry friend on Saturday & it broke my heart. Zoe was a miracle kitty that I rescued from under my shed on Thanksgiving in 1999. She was hiding under there with 4 little miracle babies and was as thin as a sheet of paper, but fierce like a full grown tiger. She was a true Mama Bear protecting her wee ones and it took a very long time to get her to trust me. But after months of forced smotherins (my way of saying much love) she became one of the most amazing cats I have ever known. I wasn't much of a cat person until Zoe came into my life - changing me forever. She was amazing, so beautiful & loving - in return she got so much love from so many people. My nephews loved growing up with her and she was so patient and kind with them, never scratched or bit - no matter how much they pulled on her fur & tail. It was amazing to see her with them. Years later I had to move & unfortunately the only place I could find was one that didn't allow pets - I was heartbroken & panicking, what was I going to do with Bear? I was able to convince my friend, Arugula, to take Zoe - I promised it wouldn't be forever and I would take her back when I could. Off Zoe went to live in the big city - I bawled like a baby at the airport. Arugula was so kind to Zoe and treated her so well - it was comforting to know that I wouldn't have to worry about Zoe getting the smotherins she so deserved. She was so loved & cared for, for many years - and then Arugula got a new job & had to move... and Zoe found her way back to me. In the meantime, I had bought a house with my boyfriend & he already had 2 cats of his own - so poor Bear had a rude awakening when I got her off the plane and brought her to a house where she wouldn't be the only kitty. The 3 of them eventually adjusted & just like the strong kitty she is, she wasn't afraid to kick some ass when needed. She took care of herself & wasn't going to let any other cats bully her. It was great to have her back - no other cat cuddled like she did, so I was definitely excited to give her some of the ol' smotherins again!! Fast forward to last Friday Night - I was on the phone with Arugula when I noticed Zoe was breathing very fast with her tummy going a mile a minute, I didn't think too much of it - as sometimes when she sleeps she twitches about & I chalk it up to her dreaming. Saturday Morning when they got fed (around 3am) my boyfriend noticed she never came upstairs to eat - being the supermodel kitty she is, that wasn't always unusual for her. But then at 5am Al came to wake me up and said something was horribly wrong with Bear. I ran to the bathroom where she was laying on the floor in a puddle of her own pee & wheezing quite badly. It was horrible to see her like that & I knew something was very, very wrong - I tried to cuddle her but all she wanted to do was hide behind the toilet. We took her to the Vet as soon as we could - where he said he was going to run a bunch of tests to see what was happening. At 1:00pm we got an emergency phone call saying she wasn't doing well and we should come right away. The ride to the animal hospital was horrible and I knew I wasn't ready to say goodbye to her. I wanted this all to be some cruel dream. We pulled into the parking lot and I think I got out before the car was event completely stopped & ran in as fast as I could. The vet told us the bad news... she had kidney failure and was in a lot of pain, that she was giving up & not even trying to fight for a breath. He said the only option was to put her down - that there was nothing he could do. My heart sank. And then it all happened so fast... the next thing I knew I was signing a form giving my consent to have her euthanized. OH MY GOD! How could this be happening? One minute she was home, fine - and being her normal cuddly self - the next we were at the vet having her put down. I signed the paper and asked to see her. I never should have asked that - she looked so sick, so tired, her small, frail body hooked up to oxygen. I can't get the picture out of my head & that's not how I want to remember her. I felt nauseous. I couldn't leave fast enough. And then I had huge regrets... I wish I would have held her, said goodbye, been there when they put her down. But all I could think of was getting out of there. I couldn't believe I had just signed her life away - it was the worst feeling. And then I had to go home and call Arugula - which I dreaded. I dialed her number 3 times before I actually pressed talk. I didn't know what I was going to say. I wanted to be strong, but I knew I couldn't. When she picked up - all I could say was Sorry... I'm so sorry. We cried together & I felt so horrible that I couldn't be there with her - that I had to let her know over the phone. Zoe is the strong bond that Arugula & I shared... she was the original Zed. She will be forever missed and never, ever forgotten.
Love you too much Bare Bear Bum xoxo
Cilantro
